The Third Gender: Intersexed Humans

Upon hearing about the story concerning a lawsuit filed in South Carolina by the Crawfords, I was upset, and concerned about their now eight-year old child, that identifies himself as a male, despite having sexual assignment surgery as a toddler to “make” him into a female.

Here’s a quote from the article on this story from ABC 30:

Lawyers for Pam and Mark Crawford said Tuesday they were suing the Department of Social Services for having irreversible surgery performed on a 16-month-old child they eventually adopted and raised as a girl.

The child was born in 2004 with both male and female genitalia and placed in state custody after the termination of parental rights, according court papers. At the age of 16 months, doctors removed the child’s male genitalia, leaving the toddler with female parts, according to court papers.

I would like to know who made and authorized the decision to perform the sexual assignment surgery on this child.  I would also like to know, why it was decided that he should become female.

I feel that intersexed humans are a third gender, not a natural disaster, as some may feel.  I also think intersexed persons are phenomenal beings, extraordinary examples of living organisms.  There are other intersexed living organisms in nature as well, like Earthworms.  Of course, I can imagine that there are struggles that come along with being intersexed, like having the world decide that you have to be a boy or a girl…not both.

If a child is born a hermaphrodite, why not allow the child to be, until they’re of legal age to decide whether or not they’d like to become male, female, or neither?  I feel it’s against the child’s rights to force something as life altering as a gender change procedure onto them.  The case of the Crawfords is a fine example of this.  How will they ever be able to help their son heal from the state’s reckless decision?  If the boy accepted his feminine body parts, and felt like a girl, than I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t even be discussing the issue of sexual assignment surgery on intersexed persons.

Why can’t American society accept intersexed humans?  Why not create a third gender group?  If a high school in Thailand can accommodate its transgendered student population by creating an additional bathroom, why can’t we, as a society, accept transgendered and intersexed persons?  I know we’re coming along with the struggle of marriage equality in the US, but what about the fight for the intersexed children?

No one should be allowed, government or not, to decide what a child’s gender should be. It’s not anyone’s, aside from the child’s, decision to make.

Marilyn Monroe Was a Tragic Beauty

 

Sunday night, after nearly two and a half months, I finished reading Marilyn Monroe: The Biography by Donald Spoto.  I’ve started reading My Story by Marilyn Monroe.

I’m reading about Marilyn Monroe, because I’ve always wanted to know what all the fuss was about that has made her an American icon, and a figure of worship and obsession by many.  I’m indifferent to Marilyn Monroe the icon, but I have mixed feelings about Marilyn Monroe, the person, based on what is is presented as the truth, and nothing but, in Donald Spoto’s account of her life.

WARNING: The following contains spoilers.  I suggest you retreat now, unless you want me to ruin your reading experience pertaining to Marilyn Monroe: The Biography by Donald Spoto.

I only knew a few things about MM before I read this book, and I was surprised at what I learned about her, the fact and the fiction, most of the latter which developed post her existence.  This is what I knew, before I read the book:

• She was born a natural brunette.
• She had an affair with JFK.
• She was a famous actress.
• Her death was surrounded by a conspiracy involving the Kennedy family.
• She was married to Joe DiMaggio.
• She posed nude in the first issue of Playboy.

What I assumed about her:

• She was only successful because of her looks (somewhat true).
• She was killed in a conspiracy involving the Kennedy family.
• She was truly a dumb blonde.
• She slept her way to the top (this is partially true).

What I learned after reading the book:

• She lived in orphanages (not the Oliver Twist variety).
• She never knew who her birth father was.
• MM donated to charities and helped the less fortunate; she insisted on not having these deeds publicized.
• Before she became an actress, she was a model.
• She used to prostitute herself for food.
• Was married three times, and died three days before remarrying Joe DiMaggio.
• Was very insecure.
• Arrived chronically late on movie sets she was shooting.
• Had a long time dependence on pills for sleeping, and later, other prescribed drugs.
• Her death was caused by Dr. Ralph Greenson, her psychiatrist that became obsessed with her, and his unlicensed nurse, Eunice Murray.
• Her affair with JFK was brief, lasting for only one night.
• She had three miscarriages throughout the course of her life, due to long time suffering from endometriosis.
• MM believed that her life was a lot like Jean Harlow’s, since they had some parallels.  Grace Goddard, who took care of her for a period of her life, tried to mold MM after Jean Harlow, which is why MM wanted to be an actress.
• MM didn’t have much of a relationship with her birth mother, who lived with long term mental illness.
• She openly supported civil rights for African-Americans.
• Her nickname in high school was “The Mmmm Girl”.
• She had a nose job and work done on her teeth before she landed any major movie roles; the cosmetic procedures were paid for by an older married gentleman she had a long time submissive relationship with, that helped her get her foot in the door to Hollywood.
• MM endured abandonment issues, which led to her dependence on various people throughout her life.
• She never finished high school, but she was very much into learning new things, and read lots of Russian literature.
• She was always devoted to her acting craft, and took a lot of acting courses.
• MM was frustrated with a lot of the comedic roles she played in the latter part of her film career, because she longed to be a serious actress.

So, all in all, Ms. Monroe had a complicated life, despite her success.  It goes to show, once again, that fame and money can’t make you happy.  This is what perplexes me about her current fan base, how they can idolize someone who had a lot of mental and emotional issues (she visited a psychiatrist regularly during a good part of her adulthood).  She seemed like a genuinely good person, who was misguided and not confident in her own skin for awhile, due to not knowing who she really was.  No shade to her, but she is not who I would want to idolize, nor my daughter.

If you’re a true lover of MM, please share why.  I need more perspective on this.  Perhaps I’m looking to deeply.  If people admire her for her exterior, than that makes a lot more sense to me.  Knowing who she really was, what she dealt with, and how she slowly overcame these obstacles, doesn’t make me a fan, but rather, someone who wishes she was stronger when it came to her sense of self.  I believe if she was, she would not have died on August 5, 1962.

I’m hoping that reading My Story will paint a more vivid picture of who she was.  Or at least, who she thought she was, and who she aspired to be.

Kwanzaa Please

I get that Kwanzaa is supposed to be about celebrating a week of African heritage, but I’m not about to get down with this holiday.  First of all, it’s an obvious copycat of Hanukkah, which is shameful.  It’s as if the creator used a create-your-own-holiday-week template to come up with Kwanzaa.  Candles?  Check.  Something to hold all those candles?  Check.  Having a specific word of meaning assigned to each day a candle is lit?  Check.  Having a good reason to light each candle?  Check.  Give a gift each day?  Check.  Even the damn name is similar to Hanukkah!  Should’ve just called Kwanzaa “Blacktastic Week” or something.  If you’re going to create something original, be original!

Anyhow, I respect the thought behind Kwanzaa, but just don’t buy it as a whole.  It was created in the late 60s, two years after the Civil Rights Movement, which makes sense.  But was it necessary to establish a holiday right after two major ones?  C’mon, I know what you’re trying to do: steal the shine from the other holidays!

We have Black History Month, and that’s fine with me.  Yeah, it’s the shortest damn month, but at least we have it.  I can co-sign February.  But a week of Kwanzaa?  No.

I am Black, and proud, so I don’t feel the need to celebrate that fact.  I celebrate it everyday in my own way, by just being me.

I’d like to dedicate this song I came up with about two and a half weeks ago to Kwanzaa.  You’ll notice that it sounds an awful lot like a very popular Christmas song you know.  I figured since Kwanzaa is a rip-off of Hanukkah, that I may as well keep tradition with using a create-your-own-holiday-song template.  Here we go!

On the first day of Kwanzaa, my homie gave to me,

A pitbull foaming at the mouth.

On the second day of Kwanzaa, my homie gave to me,

Two rolled blunts,

And a pitbull foaming at the mouth.

On the third day of Kwanzaa, my homie gave to me,

Three packs of weave,

Two rolled blunts,

And a pitbull foaming at the mouth.

On the fourth day of Kwanzaa, my homie gave to me,

Four spinning rims,

Three packs of weave,

Two rolled blunts,

And a pitbull foaming at the mouth.

On the fifth day of Kwanzaa, my homie gave to me,

Five iced out chains,

Four spinning rims,

Three packs of weave,

Two rolled blunts,

And a pitbull foaming at the mouth.

On the sixth day of Kwanzaa, my homie gave to me,

Six bottles of liquor,

Five iced out chains,

Four spinning rims,

Three packs of weave,

Two rolled blunts,

And a pitbull foaming at the mouth.

On the seventh day of Kwanzaa, my homie gave to me,

Seven video hoes,

Six bottles of liquor,

Five iced out chains,

Four spinning rims,

Three packs of weave,

Two rolled blunts,

And a pitbull foaming at the mouth!

 

The Single Introverted Mom

I consider myself an introvert for a variety of reasons, but as I’m discovering being a single mother of two, being an introvert has its drawbacks.

An article I came across by Jonathan Rauch titled “Caring for Your Introvert”, is a must read for everyone.  It’s a well written piece pertaining to generalities of introverted people, and also debunks stereotypes associated with people of these personality types, such as myself.

For awhile, I thought of myself as not being fond of humans in general, but it turns out, I just can’t stand the amount of time and energy that’s expected for me to devote myself to them, even those that are close to me.  It’s a recycled task that I’m not always willing to do.  If people wonder why I’m more active on social media than I am in person, it’s because with social media, I can easily step away, and I don’t feel the need to hold constant conversations in person.  The same goes with texting. There are lots of times when I just want to be ALONE with my thoughts, to bask in solitude, using that solitude to read, write, draw, or play Words With Friends…whatever it is that doesn’t involve having to deal with the attention of another person right then and there. I appreciate having company on occasion.

My mom is always telling me that I need to get out more, and I agree, but I know “getting out more” involves being in some sort of social situation, usually.  If I go out, I prefer to go with a friend or two, since the energy of people I adore gets me going.  When I’m with friends, I become ambivert; the excitement of having a good time together gets me pumped, and since I don’t go out much, I want to make sure I’m making the best out of that time!

 

I believe children should have at least one activity outside of school to participate in, whether it be a sport, dancing, art, or music lessons.  I practice this in my household as well, so that means having to deal with other people, and being thrust among large groups of people.  I don’t like being in or around crowds.  I’m very grateful though, that my children are now taking art classes, something that doesn’t involve me having to be in the presence of strangers for more than four minutes.  I drop them off, and pick them up–simple!  When my daughter was into dance, and my son into soccer, I had to force myself out of my comfort zone constantly.

Having kids, especially elementary school age children, is tiring, especially when one of them has an extrovert personality.  Party invites are always coming our way, and I dread seeing them every time, because I know this means I may be forced into an uncomfortable situation.  Aside from that, having small children requires giving those children lots of attention, something I’m not always up for.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my children, and would accept a burning at the stake for either one of them in an instant, but I do wish someone trustworthy would take them off my hands periodically so that I can enjoy some true peace and quiet!

Dating is a drag too, since this requires meeting new people, and spending time with them.  Being that I enjoy my alone time, perhaps more than the average person, the idea of making time for someone is a hurdle I have to learn to jump again.  It’s hard enough meeting and dating someone offline, since this requires being at the right place at the right time.  As I mentioned before, I don’t go out much, so I’ve done a lot of online dating.  That’s how I met my ex-husband.

I do want to get married again, but I fear not finding someone who will totally understand and respect my personality.  Whoever I end up with must know that I’ll enjoy spending time with them, and won’t mind, as long as I have time to myself as well.  I can be moody and unreasonable when I don’t get time to unwind.

I want you to know, that I’m not a weirdo (depending on who you ask), that I’m not depressed, or hate people.  I’m just someone who prefers being with themselves more than I prefer being with others, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  Nothing at all.

Red is a Whore Color

Sorry in advance to all you red lovers, but apparently, you’re a whore.  Yup.  Probably a dirty one too.

When I  was around twelve, I distinctly remember my mother telling me, after I eyed a bottle of her red nail polish, that “Red is a whore color”.  At that time, I wasn’t educated in whore studies, but the way my mother said whore let me know that it wasn’t something I should aspire to be, let alone imitate, even through my fingernails.

For ages, even now, I can’t stand the color red.  The only red things I own currently, were given to me (by my mom, coincidentally–no, I’m not a whore, how dare you!), or was something I had to buy in that hue because there was no other alternative at the time.  My distaste for the color red runs deep, and I find myself ashamed when I see a woman wearing red lipstick, because my mother’s words keep replaying in my mind, like a dysfunctional tape recording.  

I’m surprised I eat red foods, and buy red things for my children.  I surely don’t think they’re whores.  

It’s not all shades of red I’m against, exactly.  I can accept burgundy, crimson, brick and maroon…but cherry red, scarlet, fire engine red…gives me nausea.  And just RED, plain old red, gives me emotional hives.  

At this point, you probably want to know if I think red is a whore color.  No, I don’t.  That’s ridiculous.  Most whores I’ve ever known seem to take to black.  I guess whoring requires an incognito persona.    

Looking back on that situation, I was in the pre-stages of puberty, and my mother probably felt the best way to keep me from dancing on the city line of skank town was to say something that would deter me from ever imagining it.  She meant well, in her own way, so I don’t hold it against her, but I do wonder what my life would be like if I didn’t have such a stance of discrimination against one of the three primary colors.  

I’ll never know.

Less Than

Reblogged from I Hate To Embarrass My Mother, But...:

Dinner was, of course, exceedingly satisfying. We finished it off with desert in the bar, a couple more cocktails and the sounds of an old Caribbean man playing the keyboard, softly singing old American classics.

Back at the villa, both of us put on our robes and enjoyed the cool breeze gently pulling it's way up the hillside, across my sunburned knees, then off to comfort someone else.

Read more… 839 more words

This really touched me, and I hope it does the same for you.

Will the N-Word Ever Die?

The subject on the use of the n-word has been going on for ages, and it has only reared its ugly head once again recently, when V-Nasty, began catching major fade for using it.  I’ve said this to a few people in the past, and recently in reply to a YouTube video of a freestyle by V-Nasty, which had mixed comments, a lot of them defending or bashing her use of the n-word.  I don’t comment often on vids, but I got tired of all the hypocrites looking down on everyone from their little soapbox, so I posted:

People that use the n-word, then claim others can’t are hypocrites! If the word is so offensive, then it shouldn’t be used by ANYONE, whether you’re Black or not. For the record, I’m Black (in case you couldn’t tell by my username[AfroBanger]), and I feel NO ONE should use the word, even as a term of endearment. Let it die, cut it out of your vocab. It’s easy.

This has always been my stance on the subject.  As much as I love hip-hop, rappers are only helping keep this word alive.  I don’t care if someone, Black or not, uses this word not to intend disrespect–it’s still not okay.  It’s obvious that it’s not when a White person uses it with the same intent.

SO, in other words, if the word hurts so much, why let it have a constant place on your tongue?  If you can’t stand “others” saying it, then set an example and not use it yourself.

Agree or disagree?

A Letter to America, From a Felon

The following text is a letter from a friend of mine who’s currently doing a bid in Kentucky.  He wanted me to type up a letter he sent me to the people of the US, to inform them about making the right decision when it comes down to election time this year.  Since he can’t vote, he wanted to make sure he did his part in some way.  I did some mild editing, and if you’d like to read the original letter, then click on the link at the bottom of the post.

Backing Barack!!!

            From the perspectives and beliefs of a federal prisoner of the United States of America, coming into the federal system, you either go one of two ways: you accept responsibility for your actions, and do your best to make changes to better your situation in life, “man-up”, or you go to trial and take a chance of being humiliated, and have your whole life snatched away from you, right in front of your eyes.

Why won’t the bigger seat, the Republican Party, accept their responsibilities, and stop pointing fingers and blaming President Obama and the Democratic Party for their mishaps?

Looking back over the last eleven years of our great state of America, statistical facts show George Bush led us into a path of destruction.  9.11 was a tragedy that we all knew would be a headache of a job to straighten out…

Eight years later, and still no progress made in recovery, and no one accepting the responsibility of our great country, America!

Barack Obama had the courage to stand over all the debris and trauma that President Bush and the Republican Party left our country to deal with to try and turn the situation around.

Yes, America has fallen into a state of depression and recession before, but never have we taken this fall with the massacre of the most important building in the world, resulting in so many lives and jobs to be destroyed!

Barack Obama has a lot on his plate as a president, we must admit!  Not only does he have to battle with the economic crisis, he also has to fight against an uncompromising congress that only wants to criticize and point fingers, instead of accepting the responsibility of the mess that the Republican Party allowed to happen, over the course of former President Bush’s term.

In three short years the honorable Obama managed to make calls to infiltrate the Al Qaeda regime, and capture Osama bin Laden.   Not to mention Saddam Hussein and Muammar Gaddafi.  These were great accomplishments.

We, the great country of the United States, have bigger fish to fry!  We gave Obama the power when we voted him in as the president of our country.  We now have to get back into those booths, and at least give Obama the chance to turn this scenario around…

Just a reminder: we as Americans, after seeing the former president watch our country’s downfall, elected him a second time, only to receive the same results: NOTHING!

If we as a people don’t stand for something, we will fall for anything.  Look deeper into our country’s situation, but not for even one second forget how this situation occurred!

Obama campaigned for a change.  I believe with the proper help of our Congress and our great country, rich or poor, Black, Yellow, Brown, or White, we have to come together, stand as one, and rebuild our country.

Separation and strife only creates conflict and confusion.  We need togetherness to reopen our countries doors of success once more!

The war is lost against Iraq, Afghanistan, China, or any other country…the war is between us as Americans.  Once we learn to respect and realize the reality of our problem at hand, we will be able to overcome our adversity!

Education in America, economic strategy, health care, and incarceration rates, are all issues that still need to be addressed.

If you come across this letter, and want to see a better America, vote for Barack Obama in 2012.

With regards,

Renato Bradshaw

#25914-056

U.S.P. Big Sandy

Original Letter from Renato

#WGM is Dope!

If you’re a hip-hop head and haven’t heard of the White Girl Mob with Kreayshawn, V-Nasty and DJ Lil Debbie then lend me your ear.

The Cali natives are making waves on the West Coast with their dope noise!  Bitch you ain’t Barbie/ I see you work at Arby’s is one of my favorite lines besides the hook of “Gucci Gucci”: And we stunting like/ Gucci Gucci, Louis Louis, Fendi Fendi, Prada /Basic bitches wear that shit so I don’t even bother.  How can you not respect Kreayshawn’s flow?  I’m not saying these chicks are the female rap messiahs, I’m just saying their sound is sick, and it’s worth listening to if you’re into fun lyrics with bitchn’ beats.

Lots of blog comments I read pertaining to Kreayshawn and V-Nasty involve them “acting Black”, which doesn’t help with V-Nasty dropping the N-word in her rhymes like pigeon droppings on statues.  I read a few places that she’s biracial, so I guess that means she gets a free pass to use the word?  I don’t know, I’m Black and RARELY use that word, so it’s strange hearing anyone say it regularly, even if it’s without ill intent.  Anyhow, I wish society would stop trying to label people with “acting Black”, “talking White”, and all the other stereotypical foolishness.  Why can’t we all just be who we wanna be without people feeling uncomfortable?  As long as they’re not hurting anyone I don’t see the problem.  If you don’t like V-Nasty throwing the N-word around then move on, it’s that simple.

WGM got signed to Sony in late May, so congrats to them! I hope they’re able to have a bigger presence in music so that more people are exposed to their style and swag that their always rapping about.

Sugar + Kids = Bad…Duh?

I thought even new mothers  would have the knowledge of  NOT giving little kids, let alone babies candy.  Yes, even babies…sugar babies.   I don’t expect every parent to have the same nutritional guidelines and rules I do, but c’mon.  Common sense should tell you that kids and unlimited sugar don’t mix.

I give my kids restricted servings, only allowing them to “binge” on holidays or special occasions; even then I don’t let them get too carried away. Due to this method of sugar control, they don’t get in a tizzy when I tell them “No.” to having sweets whenever they ask.  Sure they might become slightly distraught and/or disappointed, but I talk to them about the importance of having a good diet and the effects of  an excess of sugar in their diet.  You have to educate the youth about the importance of a healthy and balanced diet, and stress the importance of proper dental care.

They’ve both been trained to hand over any candy given to them to me.  For example, my daughter usually gets a lollipop from her dance teacher after class.  As soon as she gets out of her dance class, she gives me the lollipop without any fuss or asking if she can have it later.  She already knows the answer to that question.

It’s not even just candy I see people feeding their little monsters.  Soda and coffee are culprits too.  Again, I thought it was common sense not to give small children and babies this stuff, but I guess some people are careless or just downright ignorant.   I was shocked when I witnessed one of my friends giving her God son and nephew, who are both toddlers, pieces of candy-this occurred around eight o’clock in the morning!  It made me internally ill, but I brushed it off and didn’t give her a tongue lashing like I wanted to.  I try to choose my battles.

Last Saturday as I waited for my daughter to finish her dance class, I saw a little boy no more than four years old sipping on a bottle of Pepsi.  All I could think was “Wtf is wrong with his mother?” It was 10:30am.  Why oh why would you give your brat soda for breakfast?! Children have enough natural energy; no need to increase it.   It boggles my banana scented mind.

We as parents and care givers must be more knowledgeable about what we’re doing to our kids.  Sugar causes weight gain more than fatty foods.  Sugar also causes health related illnesses, like diabetes and obesity.  Don’t believe me?  Ask Dr. Bowden.

I wouldn’t ignore these facts if I were you.

I also wouldn’t play Russian roulette with my own child’s health.  Having an unhealthy child is something I’d never gamble on.