Marilyn Monroe Was a Tragic Beauty

 

Sunday night, after nearly two and a half months, I finished reading Marilyn Monroe: The Biography by Donald Spoto.  I’ve started reading My Story by Marilyn Monroe.

I’m reading about Marilyn Monroe, because I’ve always wanted to know what all the fuss was about that has made her an American icon, and a figure of worship and obsession by many.  I’m indifferent to Marilyn Monroe the icon, but I have mixed feelings about Marilyn Monroe, the person, based on what is is presented as the truth, and nothing but, in Donald Spoto’s account of her life.

WARNING: The following contains spoilers.  I suggest you retreat now, unless you want me to ruin your reading experience pertaining to Marilyn Monroe: The Biography by Donald Spoto.

I only knew a few things about MM before I read this book, and I was surprised at what I learned about her, the fact and the fiction, most of the latter which developed post her existence.  This is what I knew, before I read the book:

• She was born a natural brunette.
• She had an affair with JFK.
• She was a famous actress.
• Her death was surrounded by a conspiracy involving the Kennedy family.
• She was married to Joe DiMaggio.
• She posed nude in the first issue of Playboy.

What I assumed about her:

• She was only successful because of her looks (somewhat true).
• She was killed in a conspiracy involving the Kennedy family.
• She was truly a dumb blonde.
• She slept her way to the top (this is partially true).

What I learned after reading the book:

• She lived in orphanages (not the Oliver Twist variety).
• She never knew who her birth father was.
• MM donated to charities and helped the less fortunate; she insisted on not having these deeds publicized.
• Before she became an actress, she was a model.
• She used to prostitute herself for food.
• Was married three times, and died three days before remarrying Joe DiMaggio.
• Was very insecure.
• Arrived chronically late on movie sets she was shooting.
• Had a long time dependence on pills for sleeping, and later, other prescribed drugs.
• Her death was caused by Dr. Ralph Greenson, her psychiatrist that became obsessed with her, and his unlicensed nurse, Eunice Murray.
• Her affair with JFK was brief, lasting for only one night.
• She had three miscarriages throughout the course of her life, due to long time suffering from endometriosis.
• MM believed that her life was a lot like Jean Harlow’s, since they had some parallels.  Grace Goddard, who took care of her for a period of her life, tried to mold MM after Jean Harlow, which is why MM wanted to be an actress.
• MM didn’t have much of a relationship with her birth mother, who lived with long term mental illness.
• She openly supported civil rights for African-Americans.
• Her nickname in high school was “The Mmmm Girl”.
• She had a nose job and work done on her teeth before she landed any major movie roles; the cosmetic procedures were paid for by an older married gentleman she had a long time submissive relationship with, that helped her get her foot in the door to Hollywood.
• MM endured abandonment issues, which led to her dependence on various people throughout her life.
• She never finished high school, but she was very much into learning new things, and read lots of Russian literature.
• She was always devoted to her acting craft, and took a lot of acting courses.
• MM was frustrated with a lot of the comedic roles she played in the latter part of her film career, because she longed to be a serious actress.

So, all in all, Ms. Monroe had a complicated life, despite her success.  It goes to show, once again, that fame and money can’t make you happy.  This is what perplexes me about her current fan base, how they can idolize someone who had a lot of mental and emotional issues (she visited a psychiatrist regularly during a good part of her adulthood).  She seemed like a genuinely good person, who was misguided and not confident in her own skin for awhile, due to not knowing who she really was.  No shade to her, but she is not who I would want to idolize, nor my daughter.

If you’re a true lover of MM, please share why.  I need more perspective on this.  Perhaps I’m looking to deeply.  If people admire her for her exterior, than that makes a lot more sense to me.  Knowing who she really was, what she dealt with, and how she slowly overcame these obstacles, doesn’t make me a fan, but rather, someone who wishes she was stronger when it came to her sense of self.  I believe if she was, she would not have died on August 5, 1962.

I’m hoping that reading My Story will paint a more vivid picture of who she was.  Or at least, who she thought she was, and who she aspired to be.

#Writing is Hard

I’m back folks!  Did ya miss me?  You probably didn’t even notice I was gone.  To hell with you if you didn’t.

If you read my last post, than you’re probably thinking, “Wow, she’s done with her first draft that quick?, and to that I shall respond, I wish.  I’ve been slacking lately, mostly due to sloth.  I’m only about a quarter of the way done, because I have failed to stick to my own proposed writing schedule (Sun-Fri, 8:30-9:30pm).  I’m ashamed of myself for not having more self control. I mean, it’s not like this is the first book I’ve ever written, after all.

I miss blogging, so it only made sense to end my hiatus, and return. I also believe posting regularly will reignite that flickering flame to complete my first nonfiction book.

When I wrote my other books, I had all the time in the world, because I was unemployed for a stretch of time.  Now that I’m working at least thirty hours a week, while still popping in periodically to volunteer on MyMorningStory.com, life got in the way, and I kept allowing it to excuse me from banging on my keyboard.

I’d like to convince myself I was too tired to write, yet I wasn’t tired enough to tweet and catch up on my shows via Hulu.  If I was ragging, then there was no way I was going to write while bleeding.  I even decided to skip writing one night, because I was too hyped to settle myself down at my iMac, yet I managed to get in some Candy Crush Saga action.  Why do I continue to avoid what I truly enjoy, and what I know needs to be done?

I believe it’s because I don’t want to face the truth.  The book I’m working on deals with factual stories from my childhood, and all of these stories aren’t sugar coated.  Either way, I made a deal with myself, and I gotta stick to it.  Writing is hard, but not as hard as I’m making it out to be.  I gotta put on my big girl pants, and face my past, like it or not.  One of the reasons I’m even writing this book, is to free a part of myself, to live in earnest.  You can never fully live your truth if you have secrets.

Book Trailer for Wet Spots & Tear Drops!

I finally put together the trailer for my poetry book, Wet Spots & Tear Drops: Poems!  Check it out, share it, and most importantly, BUY THE FRIGGN BOOK so you can support my non-existent drug habit!

Pac-Man Haiku

Go for the pellets

Dodge all the googly-eyed ghosts

Get through the maze quick!

Kwanzaa Please

I get that Kwanzaa is supposed to be about celebrating a week of African heritage, but I’m not about to get down with this holiday.  First of all, it’s an obvious copycat of Hanukkah, which is shameful.  It’s as if the creator used a create-your-own-holiday-week template to come up with Kwanzaa.  Candles?  Check.  Something to hold all those candles?  Check.  Having a specific word of meaning assigned to each day a candle is lit?  Check.  Having a good reason to light each candle?  Check.  Give a gift each day?  Check.  Even the damn name is similar to Hanukkah!  Should’ve just called Kwanzaa “Blacktastic Week” or something.  If you’re going to create something original, be original!

Anyhow, I respect the thought behind Kwanzaa, but just don’t buy it as a whole.  It was created in the late 60s, two years after the Civil Rights Movement, which makes sense.  But was it necessary to establish a holiday right after two major ones?  C’mon, I know what you’re trying to do: steal the shine from the other holidays!

We have Black History Month, and that’s fine with me.  Yeah, it’s the shortest damn month, but at least we have it.  I can co-sign February.  But a week of Kwanzaa?  No.

I am Black, and proud, so I don’t feel the need to celebrate that fact.  I celebrate it everyday in my own way, by just being me.

I’d like to dedicate this song I came up with about two and a half weeks ago to Kwanzaa.  You’ll notice that it sounds an awful lot like a very popular Christmas song you know.  I figured since Kwanzaa is a rip-off of Hanukkah, that I may as well keep tradition with using a create-your-own-holiday-song template.  Here we go!

On the first day of Kwanzaa, my homie gave to me,

A pitbull foaming at the mouth.

On the second day of Kwanzaa, my homie gave to me,

Two rolled blunts,

And a pitbull foaming at the mouth.

On the third day of Kwanzaa, my homie gave to me,

Three packs of weave,

Two rolled blunts,

And a pitbull foaming at the mouth.

On the fourth day of Kwanzaa, my homie gave to me,

Four spinning rims,

Three packs of weave,

Two rolled blunts,

And a pitbull foaming at the mouth.

On the fifth day of Kwanzaa, my homie gave to me,

Five iced out chains,

Four spinning rims,

Three packs of weave,

Two rolled blunts,

And a pitbull foaming at the mouth.

On the sixth day of Kwanzaa, my homie gave to me,

Six bottles of liquor,

Five iced out chains,

Four spinning rims,

Three packs of weave,

Two rolled blunts,

And a pitbull foaming at the mouth.

On the seventh day of Kwanzaa, my homie gave to me,

Seven video hoes,

Six bottles of liquor,

Five iced out chains,

Four spinning rims,

Three packs of weave,

Two rolled blunts,

And a pitbull foaming at the mouth!

 

Crayon Haiku

Slender molds of wax

spewing the rainbow when drug

across a flat tree

The Single Introverted Mom

I consider myself an introvert for a variety of reasons, but as I’m discovering being a single mother of two, being an introvert has its drawbacks.

An article I came across by Jonathan Rauch titled “Caring for Your Introvert”, is a must read for everyone.  It’s a well written piece pertaining to generalities of introverted people, and also debunks stereotypes associated with people of these personality types, such as myself.

For awhile, I thought of myself as not being fond of humans in general, but it turns out, I just can’t stand the amount of time and energy that’s expected for me to devote myself to them, even those that are close to me.  It’s a recycled task that I’m not always willing to do.  If people wonder why I’m more active on social media than I am in person, it’s because with social media, I can easily step away, and I don’t feel the need to hold constant conversations in person.  The same goes with texting. There are lots of times when I just want to be ALONE with my thoughts, to bask in solitude, using that solitude to read, write, draw, or play Words With Friends…whatever it is that doesn’t involve having to deal with the attention of another person right then and there. I appreciate having company on occasion.

My mom is always telling me that I need to get out more, and I agree, but I know “getting out more” involves being in some sort of social situation, usually.  If I go out, I prefer to go with a friend or two, since the energy of people I adore gets me going.  When I’m with friends, I become ambivert; the excitement of having a good time together gets me pumped, and since I don’t go out much, I want to make sure I’m making the best out of that time!

 

I believe children should have at least one activity outside of school to participate in, whether it be a sport, dancing, art, or music lessons.  I practice this in my household as well, so that means having to deal with other people, and being thrust among large groups of people.  I don’t like being in or around crowds.  I’m very grateful though, that my children are now taking art classes, something that doesn’t involve me having to be in the presence of strangers for more than four minutes.  I drop them off, and pick them up–simple!  When my daughter was into dance, and my son into soccer, I had to force myself out of my comfort zone constantly.

Having kids, especially elementary school age children, is tiring, especially when one of them has an extrovert personality.  Party invites are always coming our way, and I dread seeing them every time, because I know this means I may be forced into an uncomfortable situation.  Aside from that, having small children requires giving those children lots of attention, something I’m not always up for.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my children, and would accept a burning at the stake for either one of them in an instant, but I do wish someone trustworthy would take them off my hands periodically so that I can enjoy some true peace and quiet!

Dating is a drag too, since this requires meeting new people, and spending time with them.  Being that I enjoy my alone time, perhaps more than the average person, the idea of making time for someone is a hurdle I have to learn to jump again.  It’s hard enough meeting and dating someone offline, since this requires being at the right place at the right time.  As I mentioned before, I don’t go out much, so I’ve done a lot of online dating.  That’s how I met my ex-husband.

I do want to get married again, but I fear not finding someone who will totally understand and respect my personality.  Whoever I end up with must know that I’ll enjoy spending time with them, and won’t mind, as long as I have time to myself as well.  I can be moody and unreasonable when I don’t get time to unwind.

I want you to know, that I’m not a weirdo (depending on who you ask), that I’m not depressed, or hate people.  I’m just someone who prefers being with themselves more than I prefer being with others, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  Nothing at all.

Halloween Haiku

Fake blood dripping down

all over the tricks and treats

as the dark wind howls

Autumn Haiku

Trees are losing chlorophyll

birds are flying south

time to break my cute boots out

Let It Break Has a Book Trailer!

I finally sat  myself down long enough to put together a book trailer for Let It Break, a book of short stories I published earlier this year.

When you self publish, as I have, it’s all on you to do the marketing, so you have to make time and money for it!  Luckily, my long time friend Jontae was able to provide me with a live testimonial.  I originally had planned on having more, but it’s difficult getting people scheduled and prepped for a video shoot, even if they’re doing it from the comfort of their own homes.

I’m hoping that this trailer garners interest in people that didn’t know the book existed, and for those that heard of it, but wasn’t sure if it was worth reading.

I had a good time making this trailer (shooting, directing, making the props, coming up with the “storyline”, editing, and creating the graphics), and I learned a few things as well.   I hope you’ll have a good time watching it…and that you’ll go buy the book, of course