Heels in the Club: Not for Me!

Us goyls love the way heels look, and for you shorter vagina warriors, they give you a boost, but is it really necessary to wear heels for more than a couple hours?  I ask this, because when I’m going to hang at a bar or club, I always spot females who wear heels four inches and higher.  That can’t be comfortable if you’re on your feet all night!  I marvel at this, and wonder what I’m doing wrong, because I can’t stand having achey feet(or achey anything), yet these select group of heel queens make it look so simple.

I wear heels from time to time, but it’s usually on a day or during a time where I won’t be standing long, for no more than ten minutes at a time.  Those Dr. Scholl’s inserts aren’t worth [censored] when you’ve been in an upright position for so long!  Even wedges above three inches can start killing your feet after some time.

I understand wanting to look good, and heels do add a certain level of sex appeal and glamor, but is it practical when you plan on dancing all night?  Am I missing something? I ALWAYS wear flat shoes when I know I’ll be dancing and drinking for hours.  Which, speaking of, heels also seem to increase the incident of tripping and/or slipping on something.  On the other hand, heels do double as a weapon, and a girl always needs some sort of protection from the general public.

Beauty is pain, indeed.

Underage Drinking Will Live On

 

I’ve never had the pleasure of drinking Four Loko, but I’m apt to try it since I’ve been hearing and reading that it causes people to black out.  Must be some good shit.

Michigan has already banned the drink due to the idiocy of some kids overindulgence, resulting in hospitalization for the kiddies.  Other states have considered banning Four Loko and other energy drinks due to this danger it presents.   The only danger here is someone with low brain mass getting a hold of the stuff and inhaling it with no sense of consequence.  Just ban the idiots from buying it via testing; require anyone under the drinking age to take a six question test pertaining to the dangers of drinking, and if they miss even one then don’t sell them the product, it’s that simple.

I bet Michigan and these other states will still sell alcohol, chewing tobacco, cigarettes, loose tobacco and rolling papers.  SO, if you’re going to pull something that’s considered dangerous off the shelves, why not pull the products that have already maintained a bad rap for  health  hazards among people? Oh, right, MONEY, because making a profit is more important than ensuring the proper health of our society.   Seriously, this is an asinine idea.  Besides, if the kids can’t buy it themselves than they will have someone else do it or start overdosing on syzurp or ibuprofen shots.

My point is, the more you try and regulate the access of kids having  “forbidden” items, the more backlash there maybe in terms of how it effects those of age and those who are responsible drinkers.  Companies that sell these drinks are also being hypocritical if they do decide to follow Michigan’s lead and pull it off their shelves without taking another look at that stack of Skoals and cartons of Newports behind their counters.

I’ve never heard of marijuana making people black out (I’m talking to you Cali!) yet it’s being used for medicinal purposes and is still illegal.

This is really making me question the common sense of the people and the gov’t.  Ban weed though it hasn’t killed anyone but let’s keep alcohol and cigarettes available, products that have been proven to off people…#wtf .  Big Brother should just hand over the FDA to me.  I’d be fair.

Just!ne for president!  Vote for me and get a free lap dance coupon for The Gold Club

Rehab is the New Disney Land

 

According to A LOT of different sources, Demi Lovato has checked into rehab which has put her tour on hold.  Wtf??  She’s only eighteen and in rehab already?!  Someone please lock up Jaden & Willow Smith, Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez before they become tainted by the likes of these infected Mickey Mouse protégés!

Apparently Lovato is being treated for emotional and physical issues…right.  If that’s so, why not just call off the tour and go on vacay in St. Tropez or something??  Why rehab?  Something in the milk isn’t clean here, that’s for sure.

I read a blind item on Dlisted in January pertaining to an underage Disney star that was heavy into drugs and whoring around with older men; the source of this rumor is a so-called friend of this person.   Hmmm.  Coincidence?  I think not!

These young stars have to get their shit together, because whether they like it or not they are setting an example for the kids who buy their merchandise and watch their tv shows and/or listen to their music.  I always have to wonder though: where the hell are the parents?? Probably to busy spending their super star kid’s money to give a damn if they go on drinking and drug binges  while dressing like a stripper at the fanciest gentleman’s club this side of Kentucky (no offense to Kentucky, they have damn good fried chicken).

All I can do is shake my head, but I do hope Demi gets better.  It’s sad to see young talent go to waste due to over indulgence.

Life is about making the best with what you have, but when you have too much, then it can be a bad thing, especially in the hands of those who aren’t built strong enough to carry the load.

Bottoms Up: POV Exercise

 

This is a class exercise I generated; it focuses on the various points of view on the same story, how split views can each tell a different story.

Set-Up:

Cristal, Tanqueray, Kahlua, and Martini are all employees of a topless dancing establishment named Bada Bing located in Rocky Mount, NC.  Once a month the four girls put on a group act for the club’s patrons with a theme pertaining to a holiday within that month.  It is the first Saturday in April, so the girls perform a show based on the theme of Easter (sans the religious content; only the commercialized aspect).  All members of the security department are present since the male customers tend to get overly excited for these monthly specials, especially since all drinks are half off with no limits on purchases.  On this particular night, Ace, a regular client of Martini’s, has been acting more aggressively than usual.  As the girls start their dance routine, Ace is already out of his seat, drinking his sixth beer, hollering between gulps.  The security team has already given him two warnings about his less than pleasant behavior and is just watching him from secluded areas of the club, waiting to strike him out for his third warning.  The DJ has started playing a techno version of the Bunny Hop for the girls to begin their routine.

Part One:

(Martini)

I’m so glad the girls and I decided on this version of the Bunny Hop, not like that old timey one from last year.  It reminds me too much of my pop-pop and mom-mom; they were always good to me unlike, Ace when we were datn’.  He’s better as a friend now.  He’s over there hootn’ and hollern’ again-sometimes I just think he likes the sound of his own voice.  The boys are in place, though, ready to bounce him out.  I have to keep paying attention before I fall in these shoes, they are seven inch stilettos after all.  Oh my word! Something just hit Tanqueray!  The music has stopped.  Tanqueray has stopped dancing; she’s laid out on the stage, blood pouring from her head into her eyes and mouth.  I scream loud enough to wake the dead.  I look over at the bartender, screaming to call 911.  I look behind me and see the boys covering Ace with punches, kicks, elbows, and spit.  I know it’s Ace by the sound of the cries to end his pain.  I only heard him sound like that that night in September; he got laid off….I was giving him the usual number, when he got a call from his mama about his brother Jeff passing.  Jeff used to come here too, what trouble those boys could stir up together.  I can’t believe he would hurt Tanqueray, my friend, my co-worker, my nurse, who always had plenty of aspirin and Oxycontin when I needed it.

(Greg, one of the security guards)

Those girls sure do look good up there.  They always do. I’ve never heard this version of the Bunny Hop before, but I like it. If only Ace would shut his mouth long enough, I can properly enjoy this show.  Me and Steve already told him once to cool it.  The next time I won’t be so nice.  Did he just…..?  He did! I run as fast as humanly possible, I see the other guys heading in the same direction.  We all don’t need to kick his ass at once, so I decide to see how bad Tanqueray was hit.  This wound is bad, and I don’t know if she’s gonna make it or not.  I pat Martini on the shoulder as she continues to scream for help.  She doesn’t even feel my hands on her shoulders.  I look into the crowd, and I see that son of bitch Ace begging for mercy.  But did he have mercy when he shot Tanqueray?

Part Two:

Four girls, all under twenty-five, prance around the stage in multi-colored sexy bunny outfits.  Cristal is wearing yellow, Tanqueray has green, Kahlua in chocolate, and Martini sporting red.  They all look happy unlike Ace.  He is swinging his beer bottle, drinking only what he hasn’t managed to spill on the floor.  The old pistol in his left jean pocket is almost invisible.  The bouncers are in their usual spots, waiting for him to do something stupid.  He sloppily grabs the pistol and fires without even looking in the direction of the pistol, calling angrily to Martini, but his words are muffled by the sound of gunfire.  The music has stopped.  Tanqueray wobbles, then hits the stage floor, bleeding profusely from the crown of her head.  The other three girls stop dancing and do their best to aid her, while Martini screams in agony for help.  The bouncers, excluding Greg, who is trying to comfort Martini, is brutally assaulting Ace as he screeches and yelps for the to cease.

Part Three:

(Hal, regular customer)

Glad to be out again, ready for the show to start. I just love seeing those little bunnies flaunt themselves on stage.  Hmm, this seems to be one of those weirdo versions of the Bunny Hop-what kind of fool goes messn’ with somethn’ like that?  Tradition is tradition, shouldn’t be messed with if ya ask me.  As long as the girls are happy, I’m happy.  There’s Ace, actn’ up again as usual.  I heard him tell Roger two Fridays ago that he would kill Martini if he ever found out she was gonna marry Lee.  Well, low and behold, the joker proposed to Martini last night, and of course she said yes.  I mean, can you blame her?  Lee owns the best lookn’ hot rod I’d seen in never.  I see Greg and the boys are scopn’ Ace out like a hawk on a field mouse.  He’s still riled up, screaming so loud I don’t know if it’s him or the music.  Shit, is that a gun he got? No! The music is off. The girls stopped dancing…..Tanqueray is out cold……looks like blood on her head!  I’m pulling out my cell phone right now…….Martini is begging me too.  Ace is getting his ass handed to ‘em, as he should.  After I get an ambulance over here, I’m gonna go over there and get me a piece too.

Part Four:

The lights are down, and the beers are up.  It’s the first Saturday in April, and the girls of Bada Bing are ready to put on their monthly dance special for the anxious customers.  Some come like clock work every Saturday night.  Some come all week except Sundays and Mondays when the bar is closed; others once a month, and some once in a blue moon.

Tonight, Cristal, Tanqueray, Kahlua, and Martini will be performing an inimitable song and dance routine in celebration of Easter, though no religious basis will be implicated.  Just sexy bunny outfits compromised of corsets, stilettos heels over five inches tall, fishnets, and tassels glittering with intent to pay the rent.

Martini is a bit anxious since she and Ace got into a heated argument at the club the previous night over her relationship with her fiancé Lee.  Ace and Martini dated on and off for about three years prior to her moving on with Lee.  Ace was the one who let her go since he saw the pain his excessive drinking caused her.  She had had enough of the scream matches, the exchange of fists over words, the money constantly missing from her oversized knock-off Gucci purse.  It both hurt those two to part, but it was better than pretending every day would be fresh instead of what it really was-stale and tasteless.  Only sex kept them together as long it did.  It was the only real good thing in that travesty called a relationship.

Greg, who has been a bouncer at Bada Bing for four year, had asked Martini prior to before she took the stage if she wanted Ace thrown out, but she declined, hoping he would behave himself.  She should have known better though, especially since one of the things they both lacked in each other was trust.  Yet again, Martini believed this would be different since Ace knew this time next year she would be in Tennessee with her future husband, Lee Perkins.

Ace put back a few vodka mixtures earlier in the evening, but now was onto his reliable old buddy Natural Ice.  Natural Ice never fought with him, never told him he was no good.  Natural Ice always finished him off real good when Martini couldn’t.  She still should have fought for him, fought to be his girl.  He didn’t know what else to do when what was the best part of him, became the worst thing his heart ever pumped blood for.  She would pay for it tonight though, little did she know.

Hal is in the corner, getting blasted out of his mind while one of the new girls, Tequila, was giving him a lap dance before the show got underway.  He was rubbing his crotch area as usual when he was getting a private dance.  He began leaning over, wanting to touch Tequila’s breasts, then she stopped dancing.

“Now now now Mr. Hal, I can touch you, but you can’t touch me!”

“C’mon sugar, I mean, were both here in this private room, so who would know if I touched you or not? Be a sport, would ya?”

“It’ll cost you.”

“If I had a dime for every time one of you laid that line one me-“

“Do you want to touch them or not?”
“Do pigs roll in mud? Hell yeah I wanna touch ‘em!  Are they what God gave you

or Dr. Brody in Charlotte? Hear he’s the best.”

“Hmm, so now you’re a comedian, eh? Well, we’ll see how funny it is when I walk outta here.”
“Now now now little pretty, don’t be so hasty.  How much for a good rub on those meat balloons of yours?”

“Fifty.”

“FIFTY?! Fine.”  He hands over the fifty slowly, wanting to meet her eyes.

She winks, and then whispers “Thanks.”

Meanwhile, the girls are about to take stage, downing one last shot as they always did together before doing a big number.  Minutes later Hal walks out of the private dancing area, grinning like a kid in a candy store.  He rushes to his usual spot, opens his legs, and gets comfortable.  The techno version of the Bunny Hop begins.

Two minutes into the number, Ace stands, then opens fire, all while yelling at the top of his lungs “Martini, you’re the only drink for me!  I love you! Fuck Lee and the horse he rode in on!” Greg and the other bouncers tackle him immediately, layering bruising punches, kicks, and even spitting on him as a form of restraint.

Tanqueray lies unconscious after the bullet Ace fired grazes the top of her head and part of her forehead.  She fainted from shock.  Martini, Kahlua, and Cristal race to her side, holding her and crying.  Martini begins screaming out of fear of her friend’s life for someone to help, to save an angel of the night from the devil of the day.