You CAN Cook, You’re Just Lazy, or Something

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I’ve met a few people who claim they can’t cook, but I think that way of thinking is just bull[censored] unless there’s a medical reason keeping you from doing so.

Let’s face it: people seem to want things fast and easy, because they’re [censored] lazy or not interested enough to pull something off that requires some energy and more than five minutes of their time.

If you burn food, it’s probably because you weren’t paying attention, or you’re clueless about what temperatures to cook certain foods at.  If it’s undercooked, same deal.  Not only is temperature important, but so is timing, so remember that.  As long as there are cook books, online recipe archives, and directions on food packaging, how in the [censored] blazes can you not cook?

If when you say cook, you mean, make something taste like Martha Stewart made it, than that’s something entirely different.  No one is born a master [censored] chef, and to be a good [censored] cook, you have to [censored] work at it, like most things in life.

Basically, if you put your mind to it, and chill the [censored] out, you’ll be able to make something worth shoving in your food hole.  No more excuses!  Start cooking and stop making [censored] excuses.  Start off with something easy, like a grilled cheese sammich.  For something that doesn’t require a stove, try something you can bake, like cookies.  Cookies are simple, so if you screw that up, then do yourself and your loved ones a favor, and invest in some cooking classes.  I mean it.  No one should go through life not knowing how to make at least four things from scratch.

Oh, and for you sexist pigs out there: cooking is not just for women!  If you have two hands, a functional brain, two legs,  the ability to read on at least a seventh grade level, plus you can do basic math, then guess [censored] what?  You can kiss my ass cook!

LOL of the Week

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Thank you CNN for proving to us on April 17, 2012, that all Americans are indeed fat and love junk food.  Seriously people?  A death threat against Twinkies gets more hits than the current oil price fiasco?  This is hilarious and sad.  I’m weeping and chuckling for my country right now.